Some of you may have noticed that I have stopped following you on Twitter. It has been brought to my attention that I have not spent enough time “tweeting”. In my defense, I feel like I’ve spent more time on Twitter this year than I did on your television screen. It all should balance out. Alas, it does not, so I have hired a consultant to assist me in removing some of the clutter from my tweatstream to make it easier for me to keep up with what is going on around that place.
I have left clear instructions on who should be unfollowed, and I will share these with you to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. I am told you humans do not enjoy pain. What a pity. I digress.
Here are the criteria that I left for my consultant:
- Never posted
- Not posted in awhile
- Speak techno-babble b.s.
- Ugly picture
- Selling something
- Located in a city I’ll never visit
- Ramble on about your teacup humans, or pets
- Too nice
- Use of numbers in name; but not all, some numbers I like
- Bio contains link to a pic or video
- Invite me to join your mafia family or attempt to recruit me for a covert spy mission. I have a demanding job and boss with no patience for such shenanigans.
If you feel you have been unjustly unfollowed — you are a whiny creature unworthy of my attentions. If you can somehow engage me, feed me, or find me a tasty fairy, I will consider following you again. Or not.